Mr. President:

Thank you for your prompt response to some of the questions raised in the "Inquiring minds want to know" article.  Our panel of citizens will ask you a few questions and you will then have the opportunity to respond to the American people in this give-and-take format.

What was that?  Oh, yes.  I suppose that IS a novel idea. 

And, as agreed, in lieu of your usual pre-screened audience, you have your entourage there with you for consultation. 

Lieu?  Oh, no, no.  That's a French word that means 'in place of' - rest assured it has nothing to do with lying, nor are we implying any such thing.  You're welcome, Mr. Gonzales.

First Question: Whatever happened to “We’re not in the nation building business”? 
 
President: Make no mistake.  We’re not building a nation.  We’ll be lucky to extract our behinds from the quagmire before open civil warfare commences… (what’s that Carl?  Oh, ya…) the elections will be (What?)... were a turning point, and the Iraqis are almost ready to take over and run their own country.  Mission accomplished.
 
Question: Speaking of “Mission Accomplished”, could you elaborate on just what that means?

President: Well, the U.S. Treasury is open for business, and Halliburton and the crony syndicate are making obscene profits … er, progress.  I … (what’s that Dick?  Oh, right…)  As I said, the Iranians are (What?!?) … Iraqis are almost ready to occupy their own country.
 
Question: Whatever happened to “Iraqi oil will pay for the Iraq attack and for Iraqi reconstruction”?
 
President:  Oil production is almost back up to pre-attack levels.  With just a few billions more of American tax payer dollars it might actually begin to contribute to reconstruction, if those pesky insurgents would quit blowing the pipelines up. 
 
Question: How much has the war effort cost so far?
 
President: $390 Billion, or is that Brazilian…  I always get that mixed up.  Both of those words are in the news.  Not that I read the news. But they are in the headlines.  Anyway, it is tax dollars well spent, your government at work, eheh eheh.  I’m asking Congress for $190 Brazilian more to get the job done.  The American taxpayer will never cut and run, not on my watch. 

Question: Whatever happened to “Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive”?

President: I guess Osama decided that “alive” was much to his preference, eheh eheh.
 
Question: Whatever happened to “Bring ‘em on”?

President: Maybe you haven’t noticed.  We’ve brought ‘em on in Iraq, and maybe Spain, and maybe Great Britain, and … (Huh?  Ok,ok).  Anyway, better there than here while I’m protecting the American con$umer.  People.  We’ve succeeded in collecting large numbers of ‘em in Iraq.  Terrorists, not con$umers.   That’s good because we have 'em where we want 'em and can keep an eye on 'em, although they are getting some priceless training... (Carl, stop pulling on my sleeve!)
 
Last Question: Whatever happened to “we’re fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here”?

President: It’s happening over there, isn’t it?  I think that speaks for itself.  We haven’t had an attack on our soil since 9/11.  The attacks are concentrated on our military over there, not our soil.  Americans can consume with confidence that I am protecting them and their soil.

We wish to thank you Mr. President, and Vice President Chainy, and Carl Rove, and AG Gonzales, for helping President Bush through his first brush with unvarnished questions.