A police officer pulls over a speeding car.  The officer says to the male driver, "You were clocked doing 80 mph, sir, in a 60 mph zone."

Driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60.  Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating?"

 

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear, you know this car doesn't have cruise control."

 

As the officer writes the ticket, the driver looks over at
his wife and growls, "Thanks.  You could have kept your big mouth shut for a change, but no.  You had to be you."

The wife smiles demurely and says, "Dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

 

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your damn big mouth shut?"

 

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not
wearing your seat belt, sir. That's another infraction, another $50 fine."

 

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my wallet and license out of my back pocket."

The wife barks, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving no matter how many times I ask you to."

As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, "CAN'T YOU KEEP THAT HOLE IN YOUR FACE SHUT?  THIS IS COSTING ME A SMALL FORTUNE!"

 

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

 

She sadistically answers, "Only when he's been drinking."