John McCain has a problem with the religious right wing of his base.  Perhaps you've heard.  Anyway, he decided that he had to be more proactive in courting their support in his bid for the presidency.   

   

On the advice of his handlers, he had his people on the ground in the Deep South identify the most conservative church in their district and submit that information to his campaign.  The campaign manager would then make a list and make the necessary arrangements to set up an itinerary for Senator McCain to attend services, with the proper fanfare of course. 

  

The day came for the Senator to attend service at the first church on his itinerary, the Holy Roller of the Cradle Fellowship.    

    

After the interviews and glad handing outside of the church, he and his entourage were escorted down the aisle to the front row pews that were reserved for them.  Everyone was seated, and the service began.  

When the sermon commenced, it became obvious that this was a fire breathing Bible thumping, wrath of God preacher, and he was in fine form on this day.   

  

Now if you have ever encountered one of these congregations, you know that time is of no consequence.  They can easily spend three or four hours under the stern hand of the preacher.  As the fire and brimstone rained down on the Senator, and the hours passed, his attention began to wander.  After an extended period of time, he could hold his eyes open no longer and he nodded off ever so slightly, all the time vaguely hearing the thunder from the pulpit as he sunk deeper and deeper.   

  

Well, the preacher finally reached the end of his sermon and closed with “Brothers and Sisters, I know you do not want to go to Hell.  If you are afraid, come forward and be saved!  I ask you here and now, do you want to go to Hell?!?   If you are in doubt, get right with the Lord!!  Halleluiah!!  Halleluiah!!”    

  

Then he swung his arm as he pointed at the congregation and capped it off with a shout: “I say again, if you are in doubt, if you think you might be headed for Hell – STAND UP RIGHT NOW!”  

   

The only thing the Senator really heard in his slumber was “STAND UP RIGHT NOW”, and being the old soldier that he is, he jumped to his feet at attention before he was fully awake and aware of where he was. 

  

There was thunderous silence in the hall.  Everyone else in the pews sat in stunned surprise.  All eyes where on the Senator.  

  

Jack Mac looked around, then turned to the preacher with a chuckle and said “Well, reverend, I don’t know what mission it is we are volunteering for, but it looks like it’s just you and me that are going.”