Those damn liberals. They’re against mandatory prayer in public schools. They’re opposed to using taxpayer money to pay for private religious school vouchers. Most of them think the ACLU actually does more good than harm. You will hear them go on and on about checks and balances, as if the President actually doesn’t know best.

They think that the Press should be able publish editorials and opinions that are critical of government policies, and that whistleblowers exposing corruption inside the beltway should be protected. Don’t they realize that cluttering the newspaper with boring stuff like that makes it harder to find out who’s the next American Idol?

And how can they have a problem with the secret data mining and whatever else that’s going on with our phone calls, web surfing, and library records? As if our federal intelligence agencies have the time to get warrants to spy on 290 million people. We don’t have a need to know what they need to know, and frankly, there’s nothing to worry about unless they’ve targeted you. If that's the case, you probably did something to deserve it.

Look, we’re in this war on terror. It could go on a long time – maybe forever. With this perpetual sword of Damocles hanging over our heads, there simply isn’t time to charge and try every rounded up U.S. citizen or enemy combatant right away. We’ll get around to it before the war is over. In the meantime, we promise not to torture anyone, unless a “signing statement” says we’ll torture if necessary.

But you know, what really irks me is how liberals want to uphold a Supreme Court decision to not make early term abortions illegal, when that kind of decision is best left to the individual States. While they are fixated on this issue, they have lost sight of the grave threat that gay marriage is to all of us heterosexuals - perhaps more than terrorism - and the absolute necessity to enshrine the sanctity of Man-Woman marriage with a Constitutional Amendment against same-sex marriage.

How can they be so wrong? Goddamn I hate liberals and their conservative Constitutional values.