House Republicans are pressuring Nancy Pelosi to fast-track a bill funding the “immediate development and implementation” of a machine capable of time travel. John Boehner’s office has announced some rather compelling arguments in support of the measure:

1. Economic Stabilization: We could forgo all the projected federal deficits if the nation were transported back to 1999 and level the playing field by just saying NO to Phil Gramm.

2. Civil Serenity:  We could mothball the pitchforks, forget about clashes with local governments over permits for the nationwide April 15 Tea Parties and Wall Street CEOs could continue the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed if the nation were transported back to Boston Harbor, 1773, for the original Tea Party - make a costume event of it, they say!

3. Election Validation: by returning to 2006, Al Franken could return to a prosperous Air America and Minnesota would have two senators.

4. Election Validation- Part 2: by returning to 2007, Ted Stevens could give back all the legarsse and still claim to be the longest serving member of Congress - ever! Albeit, no longer the wealthiest.

Ah, can prosperity, peace and freedom be that close? Wish we’da thoughta this!